How to believe in yourself

I loved running my online masterclass in Health Behaviour Change last week - however, one theme came up again and again that broke my heart a little bit: so many people struggle with change because of low confidence or negative beliefs about themselves. Here are a few examples that people shared:

• “I’ve failed before, so I’ll probably fail again”
• “People will judge me”
• “I feel embarrassed”
• “I don’t feel confident enough”

I think we can all have these little niggly thoughts in the back of our minds: “surely I can’t do that”, “what if it’s too hard for me?”, “I really don’t want to fail again”.

It’s totally normal. This is especially the case when we’ve been on the “all-or-nothing rollercoaster”, going through cycles of change then “falling off the wagon”. 

But I’m advocating for a reset. One of the insights I shared in my masterclass was that this “wagon” is is built on unrealistic expectations that are placed on us, and that we place on ourselves - it was never going to be steady enough for us to stay on it!

So if the wagon doesn’t work, what does? Psychology gives us a clue…

The key to believing in ourselves: self-efficacy

These kinds of negative beliefs we hold about ourselves are grounded in something that psychologists call “self-efficacy”. This is essentially the belief in yourself - that you can do it, and that it'll go well.

If we have high self-efficacy (we believe in ourselves to do a thing successfully), then we’ll be more likely to succeed at adopting that new behaviour. So imagine I want to try doing some weight training, and I haven’t done it before. If I have faith in myself that I’ll be able to do it well, and I think the result will be me feeling really good, accomplished, and strong - I’ve probably got a pretty good chance at succeeding in adopting this as a new habit.

However, the converse is also true: if I was worried that I would be really rubbish at it or struggle manage it, and I expect I’ll look silly or injure myself, there’s a good chance that this will hold me back from doing it at all. Have you ever talked yourself out of trying something because you were sure you’d fail?

The research backs this up: evidence shows that people with higher self-efficacy are more active, less sedentary, and have better health outcomes than people with low self-efficacy.

Essentially, feeling like you can’t do something, or that you’ll fail, is going to make you less likely to do it. But we all know that it isn’t as easy as just “deciding to believe in yourself” - so how can we increase this self-efficacy?

Boosting your self-efficacy

In good news, there’s lots of evidence to support the different ways we can enhance self-efficacy. The core evidence-based strategies for doing this are:

Vicarious experiences: watching others succeed

One of the simplest ways to start shifting your belief is to see people like you doing the thing you want to do. When we see people like us doing a behaviour, and enjoying or succeeding at it, this can help to increase our self-efficacy. The “This Girl Can” campaign was a prime example of this: it showed real women, engaging in everyday exercise activities, and loving it. You could start with finding people to follow on social media who feel similar to you, and are doing the behaviour you’d like to do (one of my favourites is LucyBYoga on Instagram!)

Verbal persuasion: people telling you you’ll succeed

Of course, sometimes it’s not just what we see, but what we hear that makes the difference. This sounds super simple, but I think we underestimate the value of being told that we’ll succeed at something. It’s often much easier to feel positively about other people, than ourselves - so ask a supportive friend how they think you’ll get on with that new thing you want to try. I suspect they will be much more confident that you’ll succeed than you might be!

Managing physical and emotional feelings

Even with encouragement, nerves can creep in - those racing thoughts and wobbly legs before you try something new. If we don’t tackle these feelings, they can overwhelm us, and result in us backing out. You need to have some tools in your toolbox for managing feelings like this - if you don’t have any, here are some good techniques to get you started. 

Mastery experiences: do the thing, successfully

Once you’ve got some tools to calm those feelings, you’re in a much stronger place to give it a go yourself - and that’s where the real magic happens: the ultimate way to increase your belief in yourself that you can do a thing, is to do the thing, and for it to go well. If your self-belief feels shaky, start small - tiny successes add up fast. Some tips to make this easier:

1. Focus on some of your past successes - things you’ve done before, which previously felt really difficult, but you succeeded
2. Make this as “low stakes” as possible - e.g. do a “taster class”, or do the smallest and easiest thing first, before increasing it 
3. Gather whatever support you need - do it with a friend, if you can
4. Accept that it’s something you’re trying - that way it’s OK to “fail” (although it’s highly likely you’ll succeed!) Once you’ve done it once and shown your brain you were successful, your self-efficacy will increase.

You CAN do this, and you can start this week!

(Notice the little verbal persuasion there 😉)

Which of the four strategies will you try? Hit reply and let me know (I read every reply!), or comment below.

And if you’d like a little extra support building your confidence with health changes, that’s exactly what I help people with in my 1:1 coaching. You can book a free discovery call with me here.